Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
