"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
