I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
