i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I party with great urgency now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
