So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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