I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
