If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The feeling are messing with the penis
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
