Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
