Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
