I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
