I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
