who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
