I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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