Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
