Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
