You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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