Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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