Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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