The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
