i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
