I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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