so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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