He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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