Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
