Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
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Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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