You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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