I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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