Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
