i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
