i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
