why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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