how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
