guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
