Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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