Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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