he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
