I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
