Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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