Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize