did you get engaged???
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
