when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
