Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
