Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
