I need help removing her.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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