I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
