I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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