i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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