hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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