4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
