No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
