i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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