called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
