right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
