Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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