3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize