Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
