It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
