hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
