is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
