You're so nebulous sometimes
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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