It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
