I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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