just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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