Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
