So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
