No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize