people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
