I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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