and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
