the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
