Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
