my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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