you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
