I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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