My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
