fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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