i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
