I've blown a few things in my day
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
