Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
